How do things get so complicated?
In situations like this, I like to follow my gut. But my gut is undecided about this. I do know that I'm pissed he called. I found it a bit audacious. (Understatement.) ... but of course I still care about him and want to know that he's doing well and I obviously can't drop him from my life. In that way it was good to hear from him.
And for those of you tuning in, I think the email was a passive-aggressive move on my part. I emailed him at 1 pm knowing he wouldn't check it. It was my way of copping out. I honestly don't want to see him. Because there is nothing I need to say to him or ask him... but also because I don't want to open old wounds.
If we have lunch or drinks or whatever, it would take care of his needs. And thinking about it, did he take care of my needs after the breakup? ...or even during the relationship? Nope. And I know that's a horrible way of thinking about it - especially since I'm not feeling vengeful. (Such a useless emotion.) But it's an excuse, right?
In any case, I'm not worried about messing up what I have now. We talk about shit - that's a good thing. I told the boy right away and he asked why I was so pissed off "is it because you haven't moved on?" (Of course he'd worry about that.) I explained to him that I was just pissed that he had the audacity to call after dropping off the face of the earth for so long. If you care about a person, you don't wait that long to let them know. Boy said "he's probably just checking on you." Makes sense I guess, but I still don't see the purpose... probably because I'm pissed.
In my less pissed-off state I know that sometimes it is nice to catch up with someone from the past. He certainly had a part in shaping who I am today, and I can't deny that. I definitely learned from my experiences with him - and from the experience of moving on. I know that talking with him would solidify all of that. It wouldn't change things.
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Life just forges on, doesn't it.
2 comments:
Loving the sarcasm! haha! You're awesome - I'd be pissed still and you seem calm. Sounds like you've got your head straight with this thing soo... do what you feel - and if means killing Max when you see him, you can hide out at my place.. Oh..if something really did happen this would be used as evidence..
It seems like underneath it all you really do want to see Max. (I would too if I were you) And about Loco caring, there are plenty of things that he is doing that you don't care for and he's not asking your opinion about it. You need to look out for number one. I think you should see Max. And give him hell for me!!!
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