Rocks.

Boys are interesting.

Rewind 2 weeks (to the day of my last post, actually). Friday night the boy and I went out together. We had a good time, but I admit, I was a little PMS so my moods were swingy earlier in the evening (before we left the house). Well, the end of the night came and we got into a huge argument. We were both tipsy - and he gets confrontational when tipsy and I am more receptive to it when I'm tipsy. Not a good combination. Anyways, we got into an argument, he said some hurtful things, I probably said some hurtful things, and he left. He wouldn't answer his phone and I probably called 50 times being the woman I am and all. Anyways, I was pretty upset, but I had no choice but to go to sleep and deal with it in the morning.

Of course, I had to work the next morning. But I woke up thinking about something he had said the night before... He said You've been different ever since your brothers left. More sentimental or something.. (I think he meant emotional) ... I don't understand why... yada yada. I realized that he was right because big brother had given me the big brother talk about the boy - no judgements, just questions. I guess I had been sitting back and watching, trying to see what he thought he was seeing - but of course I had never told the boy that we had that conversation. Really, what purpose would that have served? So yes, I woke up realizing that the boy was right. But alas, I had to work and I didn't call the boy before leaving the house because I'm sure I exhausted that privilege the night before.

I got home from work and the boy was here. He asked me, Do you think we should split up? I said no, but if that's what you want to do, I respect that decision. And then I went on to tell him about the revelation I'd come up with that morning. I said I didn't realize I was acting differently but now that you brought it up I know you're right, and I can tell you why. Blah blah blah. He didn't really respond. He just said, I think this relationship is unhealthy for both of us right now. I'm going to go and stay with my dad for a while and we'll see what happens. I asked him how long he'd been thinking this way and he answered a couple days and I said And you give up so quickly? Yes. So I basically said ok and left it at that. The boy left a little while later. Meanwhile I made plans to go out with Banana Republic friends that night. The boy came back at about 8:00 (which surprised me) and I left about an hour later and had a great night out with a bunch of people, including my friend Alejandro from Colombia, who gave me his insight about latin men. He basically told me that a latin man can't stand it when a woman doesn't need him. (I knew that already, but it made a lot more sense to me that night. I decided that I would not show the boy anything. Just make sure he could see that my life goes on with or without him.)

Anyways. About 2:30 AM Alejandro and I were sitting in my car talking about stuff and my phone rang. Of course it was the boy. Where are you? Driving home. Oh, I'm at your house. I'm about to leave though. Ok, have a good night. You're not coming here? I'm on my way home. I'll see you later, have a good night.

Well, I got home and the boy was still there. He then hung up his keys and sat on my bed. We talked about where we went, what we did that night and he said I'm gonna go now. I (again) told him to have a good night and started to get up from sitting next to him and he grabbed my waist and pulled me down next to him and asked me why I didn't tell him before about the big brother talk and I told him I didn't see the point in telling him something that might be hurtful to him. He of course sees that differently - If I'm bothered by something (anything - him, family, etc.) he thinks I should be out with it.

Note: here's something we struggle with all the time. If I have a problem he wants to know right away. He hates it when people let things fester and hold it in and tell him after the fact. I, on the other hand, have a hard time coming out with things right away. I don't try to hold my thoughts in, it just happens. He doesn't realize that I've gotten a lot better over the years because he hasn't known me for so long. Constant struggle.

Anyways, we talked a little about that struggle and then other things about our relationship and the way things have been going and he (ever the emotional one) started crying a little and I told him it's ok, etc. Long story short, he stayed the night. And he came with me and Lexey (a girl who works at the Funky Buddha) to the mountains Sunday and I thought the whole thing blew over.

Not quite. Monday I was doing my taxes and he was joking around about how I need to find a way to make more money teaching or he's going to have to go. (I said I thought you already made that decision.) I wasn't snippy or anything - just stating the facts. He didn't really respond, but he still didn't go. We didn't talk a whole lot Tuesday/Wednesday. He didn't cook for me either. So I just went about with my days - did my errands, went out with friends, etc. He sometimes has days where he's quiet/reserved. I guess we all do. Thursday came and I got home with a headache so I took a nap on the couch. I woke up and could hear him rustling around in my room so I went in and all his clothing was folded and stacked beautifully and he was going through his papers. I said Are you packing your stuff up? Yes. I told him that I felt a little confused because well, he said he was going and then he stayed and he was joking around with me on Monday and whatnot. I never said I wasn't leaving. Well ok, then. Do you need any help packing? No. Well, I didn't have anything better to do, so I went through the laundry and washed all of his dirty clothes, washed his towel, and took his snowboarding stuff out of my car.

Then I went out for a couple hours with Alejandro. The boy stayed at my place again that night. So he kept saying he was leaving but he wasn't actually leaving? Confusion. I concluded that he didn't really want to go - but he was waiting for me to tell him to stay. I wasn't about to give him that satisfaction.

Friday afternoon I went to happy hour and then to the bar 2 blocks from my house with my friend Mike and got home at about 10:00. (Leonard had called me twice.) When I got home he asked me what was wrong with me. (What's wrong with me? ME?) You put my towel away, you took my stuff out of your car. You said you were leaving, I was helping you. I meant just for a couple of days, not forever. Jeez. Boys are so confusing. The way I look at it, if you're leaving, you're leaving. Unless you specify that you need some time to yourself and you'll be back in a few days. If you don't specify, I think you're going. So go on, then. (Of course I didn't really want him to go, but that's my stoic self coming across.) We talked that night, I worked Saturday and was planning to go to the mountains Saturday night and stay through Sunday to give both of us our space. Of course when I made the plans, I thought I was single. Leonard ended up coming with me to the mountains and I'm glad he did because my car got hopelessly stuck. I'm surprised we didn't kill each other trying to get my car unstuck!

In any case, things are back to normal. Well, normal but better because ... well I don't know why, but I guess talking about the little things we talked about helped. And because I have made a conscious decision to make sure I have my own life outside of him - I was losing that (mostly for financial reasons) and I miss my friends. And I think it's better for him because he found a way of staying without admitting (heaven forbid!) that he never really wanted to leave in the first place. But how nervewracking that week was!