17 days left! Where did it go?

Gosh, I don't have much to show for my summer, except for a pile of finished books. Not even a tan or a buff body like most summers... maybe skinny, but that's about it.

Oh well.

Not much is happening, which explains the lack of an update. I worked a lot of hours at Banana last week (45) - at least they are paying me almost what I'm worth for the last 5 hours, right? And this week I'm scheduled for 32, so that means the next paycheck will be welcome. Normally I work only 15-20 hours at this job, so this is a change for me.

I contacted a debt settlement program for a credit card I've made some ... mistakes with. I don't know how that will go, but I've researched it a lot and think this is my best option if I will ever have a chance of buying a condo/house. I have to get my numbers down - and this affects credit scores immediately, but not necessarily in the long term. It's not like filing bankruptcy, which adds a black mark that never goes away. I'll let you know how it goes.... but basically I'm putting a certain amount of money aside each month, meanwhile NOT making payments on the card - at all. That's what I'm nervous about, but I hope it is worth the hassle in the end.

The boy got REALLY mad at me the other night. Here's the story.

We were going to a birthday party, and the birthday girl called to let me know that "ex who owes me money and skipped the country but is back for a couple weeks" might be there. So I told the boy and he said I don't care. I said well, I can introduce you and he again (more abruptly) said I don't care. Well, stupid me made the assumption that he wouldn't want to be introduced, so I didn't.

Big mistake, apparently. We get home, and he'd been quiet the entire car ride so I asked what was going on. He asked that guy you were talking to, was that the guy in china? and I nodded and he went into a complete tirade about how I didn't even have the decency to introduce him, do I respect him at all, what does that mean about our relationship in general, do I still have some hidden feelings for the guy, yada yada yada.

Yikes. I couldn't get a word in, and when he was finished he had no interest in what I had to say. I honestly thought I was respecting him by not wasting his time being introduced to such a lowlife. He's a part of my past... and part of my present, but not for positive reasons. And yes, I talked to the guy for a few minutes to confirm that he still does not plan/want to pay me any of what he owes me and that was it. Not that the boy even cared about what the conversation consisted of - he assumes that if I'm being nice to the guy that means I don't care about the way he has consistently treated me for the last seven years, and I don't care about the money, or whatever.

And you know, thinking about it, I'm sure the boy would've gotten some twisted satisfaction out of telling him what a lowlife he is, and it probably would have been entertaining. He is good at putting people in their place, and he does like to stand up for me.

Me on the other hand? I'm sorry, but I don't have it in me to spit in someone's face, or to rudely walk away from someone who's come up to me to say hello... no matter how much he's screwed me over. I wish I did. It's not that I'm unable to stand up for myself - hell, I have a court order against this guy. It's not my fault that he has skipped the country and is not working for an American company and therefore I can't garnish his wages or his bank account. I can't go to the police and cry because it's a small claims case - it doesn't work that way. The boy thinks it should - it does where he's from - and that I should be doing more, getting angrier, etc. I think I'm doing what I can, and that this guy is digging his own hole with all of his friends, not just me. He's lost a lot of respect from them because of what he has done to them and what he is still doing to me.

In any case, I now feel like his saying I don't care was a test of some sort and he expected me to be a mind reader... I'm sorry, I don' t play games. You want something, you let me know. I wrote him a letter basically saying I'm sorry, I made an assumption, please take this as a mistake and not an indication of other things... and also I answered some BIG questions he likes to rapid fire at me when he's upset.

His two favorite questions are: What is so different about me and all the other assholes you've dated in the past? You've told someone you love him before, how is this any different, why should I believe you that you truly do love me?

He loves to pull out the second one. Great, huh?

And I know (because I'm an analytical girl) that these questions stem from his own insecurities and he doesn't give me a chance to answer because he's afraid. And his defense when I step back to formulate a thought/answer is that I can't answer because I don't know and he's justified in doubting me. *sigh* ... boys.

Well, now those answers are written down should he choose to accept them. Stubborn boy, he hasn't read it... How can he DO that? I would be so curious, I would never be able to hold out! I'm impressed.

Yesterday we hashed it out again a little and last night instead of sleeping on the couch he came to bed. (Yes, that too.) He can be a little overdramatic... and from speaking with others who have dated latin boys, this is normal. Drama, insults, respect, mind reading - I have myself a typical passionate latin boy! Apparently, with maturity comes the ability to channel all of this passion.

Oh, and another side note. Last night when we were talking (he was doing most of the talking) he was talking about how this is supposed to be a two way street... and so I made the comment that right now it seems to be going only one way. It's nice that when he hurts or disappoints me I speak, he listens.. and then he speaks, I listen. But when it's the other way around he speaks, I listen, and then he's finished. Evidenced by the fact that I wasn't allowed to speak the other night after his tirade, and the unread letter. Another latin trend, I've been told. This one is lovely.

But all that aside, remember Mark's comment a few months ago about make-up sex? Ditto.