Summer.

Monotony. That's about it.

I'm reading a lot, visiting the shrink occasionally, talking with the boy often, swimming a little, laying in the sun for a while each day, bicycling to do my errands - really, to save on gas money and exercise a little. A quick sidenote about the bicycle... it's literally a pain in the ass. I don't ever remember having bruises on my ass as a kid biking around the neighborhood. I don't ever remember having sore muscles either. But I don't mind the sore muscles because the entire reason for the bicycle is so that I can have a rock hard, fabulously sexy ass. No pain, no gain... right? We'll see what the summer brings to the trunk.

Had lunch with Max and that was really a non-event. He spent two hours talking about himself, which didn't come as a surprise. Apparently he just wanted to check in. That hidden third option (behind "I'm gay" and "I'm engaged" - the two things I hoped he would tell me)... really I have no use for him in my life and I decided that pretty quickly. But in all honesty it was good to see that he is doing well. He looks thinner and older. I am happy to say that I'm not even remotely attracted to him anymore. I didn't say much, which also didn't come as a surprise. I never was comfortable talking with him about real things. He said that he wants to do something like lunch again soon - he doesn't want to be strangers. I don't want to do lunch again but I just smiled and nodded. My shrink said that I need to assert myself here and do for me. Not worry about his feelings because my job is to take care of me, nurture myself. Blah blah blah... apparently I have the right to decide who to keep in my life and who not to and the reasons don't matter. I just don't have the urge to call him and tell him all of this. I don't have time in my life for anything but monotony right now.

On to news about current boy. Apparently he can't handle being away and not knowing about every little thing I do with my time (which, as you can see, is not much.) I sometimes wonder if he thinks I should sit at home, cry, and wait for his return from South Beach. We talk several times a day, and he seems pretty bored because he is stuck there during rainy, muggy, hot hellish season. That's what he gets for having a one-way ticket.

Problem is, he's giving me mixed messages. On one hand he misses me, he wants to be with me, etc. On the other, he acts like this thing we have going on is nothing serious - just a casual, "we like to hang out together" sort of thing. I never know what to expect from one conversation to the next... he is one confused individual and riding the waves is not so fun for me. But it's so frustrating to talk with him about anything real over the phone because of language issues. He has a hard time understanding what I'm saying, and half the time I repeat myself trying to make him understand... it's just so much easier in person.

There is a lot more to the situation than what I just said... personal things going on with him, me, and with the relationship, but I don't know how fair it is to share someone else's business on a website for all to see.

Anyhow, I will say that I am sexually frustrated - 11 days and counting. I've eaten more chocolate over the past few days than cumulatively since I started hanging out with the boy! I have to say, whatever that study is that says chocolate activates the same hormones as orgasms do... I might have to look more closely at that bit of research.