missing

How pathetic it feels to miss him so much.

He has been gone just short of two weeks - the excitement of having the apartment to myself has worn off... of course being sick did not help that cause - and now I am basically bored and tired. I have spent time at the pottery studio, I have happy hour plans tomorrow and a book club meeting Thursday, and I've been reading and catching up on movies, I'm going skiing this weekend to avoid the Superbowl craze... but it's just not the same as having him here to talk to. I had a crappy day at work yesterday and somehow it is not the same telling his mother in french (chatting online) because he was at a friend's house, as he should be! ... to have him finally call an hour after I've gone to sleep to say 'my mom said you had a bad day, what happened?' and my only response can be I'll tell you about it another time - because I'm so tired that I can't lift my head to make him understand my English.

Have I mentioned that phone conversations are frustrating? Especially when he's been speaking Spanish only for many weeks - including the 3 weeks his family was here before he left.

I feel like, what's the point of cooking when it's just for myself? So I'm living on oatmeal, hot tea, and microwave popcorn and m&ms. Throw in an apple or pear here and there, and the occasional bowl of pasta (frozen ravioli seems to be my pasta of choice). But honestly, not enough to sustain my energy. It's starting to show on my face.

I feel pathetic because I started crying when I saw him on the webcam tonight. That was embarassing - not because he saw, but because why was I crying???? His mother has a brand new puppy (12 week old dalmation who is just so damn cute! his name is Snoopy) - and the boy was holding it and giving it kisses and tugging on its ears and having such a good time with it and I just want to be there. Or have him here.

The doggie too.

I feel so pathetic because I was so excited to have some time to myself and now I feel like it's just too much time. It's not like he's the only thing in my life ... I've been keeping busy, it's not as if I've ignored my social life and hidden in a bubble without him here.

I am just sad because I miss him driving me bananas.

argh! Is this what it's like? Really? Sometimes love sucks.