Consider yourself warned.

Stupid curiosity. Do you ever feel like you have questions that are way too inappropriate to ask?

Well I have about a million of them, so... in light of recent events:

1. How many bodies does a funeral home keep in the basement at one time?
2. Do they cut you a deal if you're willing to have your calling hours/services tomorrow instead of three days from now?
3. What does it look like in the preparation room? If I asked for a tour, or even better, a shadowing day, would that mean I'm a creepy person?
4. Once a body is embalmed, how long does it stay "preserved" - I mean really, if we exhume a body ten years from now would it still look the same?
5. How long does it take for the body to get stiff?
6. When are they going to figure out a way to make the body look like the person (especially the face) - why are the cheeks always pushed back and the mouth too wide... just how hard is it to combat gravity?
7. And does the tissue break down and turn into melted jelly or something?
8. Back to question number 5... does that mean that the body is not stiff yet?
9. Is it proper ettiquette to touch a body during the wake?
10. Should someone stay and watch the funeral home people prepare the casket for burial to make sure the jewelry gets taken? I mean, honestly... who would ever know?
11. When someone goes on the Atkins diet and loses weight so quickly, where does it go? I mean physically, how does it leave the body. Do they just shit out fat for three months straight?

I told you to consider yourself warned. Jeez... I feel like I'm twelve again, trying to learn about sex. And there are more where those came from, but I feel a little better. Feel free to answer if you know any. Because this time I don't know that I will come of age enough to satisfy my own curiosity.